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Gaaaargh I hate my generation so much today.
This morning in my office, it was realised that we had forgotten to acknowledge someone’s birthday earlier in the week. So we got her a cake today to make up for it. All good. At five minutes to eleven they called us all into the tea room for happy birthday and a piece of mudcake. I subtly pointed out that that the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month was possibly not the most appropriate hour to bursting into jubilant song.
My co-workers looked at me like I was the one not getting into the spirit of things, until it gradually dawned on them that maybe we should be observing Remembrance Day. I had a hard time keeping a straight face (Giggloop anyone?) as we all stood for two minutes, staring reflectively into our slices of chocolate cake. But at least we observed it.
Then at lunch time, I was asked by a shop assistant if I was wearing a flower on my shirt for Gay Pride Week. I have no objection to Pride Week, but I had had just about enough of general ignorance for one day, so I explained I was wearing a poppy for Remembrance Day. I dared him to ask “What’s that?”
He did, so I beat him to death with his own iPhone and scattered the pieces as a warning to others.
Okay I actually glared at him like he was some sort of imbecile (which he was) and directed him to the Legacy stand. He walked to the bus stop instead and started tweeting about it.
#dickhead
Lest we forget (and don’t you forget it)
Garry with 2Rs
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No one would have believed, in the early years of the 21st century, that fictional affairs were being concocted in the timeless worlds of cyberspace. No-one could have dreamed that pages were being scrutinised, as someone with a typewriter studies characters that swarm and multiply in a drop of ink. Few men even considered the possibility of writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. And yet: across the gulf of cyberspace, minds immeasurably superior to yours regarded this task with manic enthusiasm. And quickly, and wantonly, they drew their plans and got down to it.
Oh damn. What I would give right now to be able to make my blog articles play music.
Yes yes, at some point, probably next month, I’ll get around to writing about what it was like being in an opera. But for now my literary attention is focussed squarely on Nanowrimo (which is obviously why I’m spending time writing blog posts…).
I probably wouldn’t have bothered, but a certain CTC commenter whose name may or may not start with K and rhyme with “Bali Belly Tim” has been sending me rude emails regarding her cumulative word count. Being American, Tim is obviously approaching the task in the manner of a 200 metre sprint, and as such is under the simplistic illusion that she’s winning, based solely on the fact that she’s written more words than I have.
I, being smarter, faster, more operatic, less red headed and more Australian than Tim, am approaching the task from the vastly more sophisticated point of view of the second innings of a one day international cricket match (Michael Clarke, if you’re reading, you could probably learn a bit from this too). While it’s true I’m about three thousand words behind on the required run rate, I also have weekends in hand and a powerful lower order pinch hitter known as “Rostered Day Off”. I’m also planning on setting a record for ninth wicket stands and ruining your summer, but I digress.
The point is …
Um…
Look how clever I am! I managed to code a graphic display into the side bar! Now those of you reading from America can kid yourselves into believing Tim is winning, while fellow members of the Commonwealth of cricket appreciating nations can calculate the required word rate and try to guess when I’m going to take the batting power play, whilst whinging about the fact that it really doesn’t belong in the game in the first place and keeping an eye on the incoming clouds in case Duckworth Lewis comes into play. But hello, it looks like 2 Rs is about to take the new ball.
See how much cooler cricket is than running?
Garry with 2 Rs
P.S. Don’t even get me started on how many words my roller skating freak of a sister has written. She’s in Canada in winter and has a broken arm, so obviously there’s nothing for her to do except be cold, write and drink hot beverages. Obviously this counts as pitch doctoring and is clearly not within the spirit of the game.
P.P.S. Ashes are just around the corner. Yeah yeah!
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Recently news.com.au published an article from Brisbane’s Courier-Mail and a poll calling for the banning of the Aussie sporting warcy “Oi! Oi! Oi!” on grounds that it’s embarrassing. When I last checked, the yeas were outnumbering the nays two to one and I find that distressing.
I’m not remotely embarrassed to say I love the Aussie Aussie Aussie warcry. Some of my most pleasant memories are of watching cricket on TV, hearing Bill Lawry say something insightful like “There’s a hush around the MCG as McGrath comes in from the members’ end” and being able to hear nothing through the field microphones except bay thirteen yelling “Oi Oi Oi!” at the top of their lungs. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for five minutes after I heard then IOC chairman Juan Antonio Samaranch close the 2000 Olympics by trying the call for himself, and getting a 70000 strong response.
Yes, I know Glen McGrath has retired. Yes, I know the Sydney Olympics were a decade ago. Big deal. Waltzing Matilda is older than both of them. You want to ban that too?
To me, Oi Oi Oi expresses in a most efficient manner the very character of Australian sport; it’s loud, it’s straightforward and it’s awesome. On the other side of the coin, it’s also overly simplistic, slightly annoying and at its most expressive under the influence of alcohol (consumed responsibly, obviously).
What’s not to love?
I know there are those who campaign for an Australia with higher cultural aspirations, free of the cultural cringe of the past and representative of a more modern, intelligent and mature Australia. I’m all for that, and I’ll happily join you for an opera, cello recital or stroll through the national gallery (just don’t ask me to write about it), followed by a rousing chorus of “I Vow to Thee My Country” back at the members’ lounge.
But back off and leave my sports chants alone!
I think some of the problem might be with the over application of the chant. As I wrote earlier, my fondest memories of it are as background noise during a one day cricket final. With the coming of the Olympics in 2000, the chant went spectacularly mainstream and starting appearing in rock concerts, telethons, youth conventions and, most recently and hilariously, the canonisation of St. Mary MacKillop. I have to agree, things have gotten a little out of hand there.
But let’s not get too excited and start banning things like an out of control web filter. Let’s put the chant back in bay thirteen where it belongs and get on with banning something sensible.
Like the Courier-Mail.
...
Garry with 2 Rs
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I’ve been crazily busy these last few weeks. That opera I posted about a few months back? It turns out I got in after all. And consequently I’m spending every waking hour either at work or at the CDU theatre. It’s all great fun, but there are just a few more sopranos per square metre than I can generally handle without tucking my head inside my jacket and crouching down in the corner.
The point is (sort of) that due to this slight over commitment of time on my part, my efforts towards getting sponsored for Nanowrimo kind of became a non-event. Also, apparently the poll I posted on the subject was getting blocked by certain versions of Firefox, so now I’m left pondering who the hell has been voting if it wasn’t my family. I’m looking squarely at you, K.Kim, although I will confess that the one who voted for ‘it is cheese’ was me, purely because I was absolutely determined that someone had to.
So yes… “Nanowrimo against global poverty” was a bit of a flop. However, due my being an attention seeking knob and a glutton for punishment to go with it, I’ve decided to go ahead and try it for free.
Consequently my usual semi-regular dispensing of inane drivel may have to take a slight hiatus here for November, while I concentrate the nonsense generation faculties on a slightly larger goal. But I will try to update the running word total (over on the right) so you can see my glorious progress, or calamitous lack thereof, depending.
Breath and wind. It is cheese!
Garry with 2 Rs
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I’ve been reading back over some old posts recently, and I’ve come to this conclusion:
I have a remarkable talent for generating copious amounts of complete and utter nonsense at an alarming rate of production. This blog is closing out its fourth year now and I’ve come to the realisation that if this random collection of pointless observations, flagrant time wasting and whingey ranting is anything to go by then one of two things is true: Either I really need to get out more…
Or…
November is National Novel Writers’ Month (NaNoWriMo for short). I think the ‘national’ part actually refers to America, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t join in and do it better. The challenge is to write a novel of 50000 words or more during November, which is a pretty big undertaking (it’s an average speed of 1667 words a day for 30 days), but as I said, I’m more or less the king of spamming out large amounts of otherwise meaningless prose in a short time.
The thing is that pumping out three and a half MS Word pages a day is going to put a sizable dent in the amount of time I have to do anything else for the month. I’m not sure it’s something I want to inflict on myself just for its own sake.
I’m looking at trying Nanowrimo for a cause. I haven’t yet decided what cause, but in keeping with my previous socio-political rants I’m looking for something in the global poverty/food crisis awareness line. I’d be looking for people to offer a donation if I can crack the 50K mark, or sponsor me per thousand words written.
Last week saw the presentation of the very first CTC online poll. It was a phenomenal success with a whopping 6 responses flooding in. That might not sound like much, but for a blog with 6 followers it’s an impressive 100% participation rate. I’ve replaced that poll with a new one to find out if this Nanowrimo thing is likely to be worth my time and effort. If you’re so inclined, cast your vote in the poll or drop me a comment and let me know if you’d be willing to get behind me on this.
Otherwise shove it.
Garry with 2 Rs