I remember as a child being extremely confused by my utter and consistent inability to remotely move objects around my room by faith. I would read passages from the gospels like “I tell you the truth; if you had faith the size of a mustard seed you could tell this mountain to go jump in the lake, and it would” (or something like that), and later I would come back from some church camp or big youth rally with my heart “totally on fire” (that was our metaphorical expression of choice in the charismatic church during the nineties. It’s a bit odd when you think about it) and so absolutely convinced that I knew everything I needed to take the city for Jesus. I would focus all my will on my collection of lego men and boldly command them in Jesus’ name to fly up out of the corner and onto my desk. It didn’t matter how resolutely I believed that I could do it, it didn’t work. Not even a little bit. There was one time my sister walked in in the middle of it and kicked them all over. I counted it as half a point.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that I was getting Christianity confused with Star Wars. Proper faith has very little to do with telekinesis, and much more to do with finding the strength to keep going and keep believing when things around you continue to suck the big one.

I got another job application rejection letter this week. Normally I would just add it to the pile, but this one was just a little more disheartening than usual. I made it all the way through to the interview stage, and felt like I had successfully put my best foot forward. Not only that, but the timing for this job would have been perfect. I could have walked out of a job which is, inch by inch, killing me and taken off to Perth for Daniel’s wedding and come back to job that I actually might have some basic interest in. I was so determined to get through this time that I got prayer chains in two cities backing me up. I prayed up, suited up and rocked up, and it didn’t work. Not even a little bit.

I think somewhere along the line I’ve gotten Christianity confused with The Never Ending Story, where if you can believe something hard enough it comes true. Yeah I know… find the strength to blah blah blah suck the big one.

For my next trick, I’m going to try confusing Christianity with Back to the Future 2. I don’t know what that will look like, but if I’m going to keep on living my life in a series of complete delusions, I might as well make it a good one.

Let's see if you bastards can do ninety.

Garry with 2 Rs

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