I got asked this week whether I’m a feminist or not. I decided the answer is no, but not for the reasons you might think. It’s not because I don’t identify with their cause. It’s just that I think they’re a bunch of cyber posers on an order of magnitude comparable to … well… me.

I remember back when feminist protests used to be cool. You used to see feminists out there picketing country clubs and holding rallies or just causing trouble generally. Nowadays it seems feminist protesters are the biggest slacktivists around.

Slacktivism, if you’re not familiar with that particular neologism, is the practice of posting, linking or liking something on your social media platform of choice and kidding yourself that this counts as being involved in the political discourse of the country. I must have two or three articles a day from feminist bloggers ranging from "I really think we need to raise the profile of sexual assault crimes based on some alarming statistics I saw on a documentary on SBS last night", to “8 reasons men need to be pulverised, neutralised and sterilised based on evidence I collected during last night’s episode of the Big Bang Theory. You won’t believe what she did next”. It doesn’t really matter how sublime or ridiculous your feministic flavour is: if you really cared about this stuff you wouldn’t be on Facebook clogging up my news feed. You’d be down at your local member’s office making noise and causing trouble. And if you don’t care enough about it to do that: SHUT UP!

I really loved Emma Watson’s speech to the UN as ambassador for the He For She movement. I thought in terms of standing still and saying something sensible, she freaking nailed it. Women and men are of equal value, worth, rights and dignity, and all of us need to work together to make sure that fact is upheld. Pretty straight down the line.

The next thing I see in my news feed is a poster of David Tennant standing there with his stubble and his sultry lighting filter and his big dreamy eyes that you could just lose your… NOT IMPORTANT… and all he’s doing in this poster is holding a placard saying #HeForShe.

Dammit smart feminists, that doesn’t count either. Firstly, the placard could have said #YahDumplings for the social change that’s likely to be enacted by an internet meme and secondly: if you’re out trumpeting the notion that women shouldn’t subserviently follow men all over the universe, DON’T GET DOCTOR WHO TO HOLD THE POSTER!

But I don’t know. Maybe the days of proper protest movements are gone with the hypercolour T-Shirt and the fax machine. Maybe hashtags really are the future. So in honour of that next great leap in cyber communications: I’ve decided to get in on the action.

Here you go

Make of that what you will.

Garry with 2 Rs

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