It’s a Tuesday morning. You have one objective to complete: Pick up your fianceés friend from the airport when she comes to visit. Sounds simple enough, right?



Unfortunately, I apparently live in a computer game where every simple objective has to come with two or three annoyingly trivial sub-objectives. Nothing that would take a normal person any extra effort, but still dastardly effective in their purpose of ensuring you can’t get to the next stage without them.

To make it to the airport, I first had to learn the time, origin and flight number of Holly’s connection from Brisbane. Fortunately in a previous level I had acquired the Smartphone of Knowledge from a wise old Samurai. This would allow me to communicate directly with the traveller and unlock the passage to gate 4A on the first floor.

Unfortunately my Smartphone of Knowledge had run out of mana. I needed to use the legendary Phone Charger of Power that I acquired from the crazy old shopkeeper that apparently wouldn’t take money for it, but wouldn’t give it to me unless I traded it for the Sword of Blue Silvery Sharpness. But that was like four levels ago now, so once I applied the Phone Charger of Power to the Smartphone of Knowledge, I could get the access code for gate 4A and pick up Holly. Tragically I had left my Phone Charger of Power at Kim’s house.

No problem. I can fast travel to Kim’s place easily with my Hatch Back of Focus, pick up the Phone Charger of Power, charge the Smartphone of Knowledge and get the code for gate 4A if I leave early enough.

Error: You can’t fast travel to Kim’s right now because your battery is flat. The night before all the running around has to happen, this could be game over.

Oh hell no: I cast the emergency AANT spell and summon a level four mechanic. I get one +1 to Focus, but then I’ll be stuck wherever I travel to and it’s already half past midnight.

So I travelled to the spaceship parts vendor and walked home from there. Fortunately it was only a couple of blocks.

So the following morning I walked back to the spaceship parts vendor, purchased a replacement power unit for the Hatchback of Focus, then fast travelled to Kim’s office to pick up the Phone Charger of Power to re-equip the Smartphone of Knowledge, looked up the access code to gate 4A. I went through the checkpoint and camped outside the passenger spawn point. I was greeted by a small anthropomorphic mushroom who informed me that the Princess was in another castle. I punched him right in the face (1up! Yes!) and went back downstairs to find Holly. She was at baggage claim waiting for me.

Garry with 2 Rs

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